一个人吃饭，自己选的

我发现你这个月好几次都是自己一个人吃饭。我妈从小就跟我说，一个人坐在餐厅里，那个空着的位子看着让人难受，好像在提醒别人你没人陪。现在好像越来越多人开始独居，一个人吃饭也变得很常见，你不会觉得别扭吗？

I noticed you've eaten alone several times this month. My mom always told me growing up that an empty seat at a table in a restaurant looks painful, like it's reminding everyone else you have no one with you. These days more and more people seem to live alone, and eating solo has become pretty common. Doesn't it feel awkward to you?

说实话，一点都不别扭。这大概是我今年做过的最好的决定之一。我想吃辣就点辣的，想吃甜的就点甜的，不用跟谁商量，也不用管别人爱不爱吃。以前跟人一起吃饭，为了照顾大家的口味，最后常常谁都没吃到自己真正想吃的。

Honestly, not at all. It's probably one of the best decisions I've made this year. If I want spicy, I order spicy. If I want something sweet, I order that. No negotiating with anyone, no worrying about whether someone else will like it. When I used to eat with other people, trying to accommodate everyone's taste, we'd often end up with nobody actually eating what they really wanted.

我理解不用商量的自由，可是我还是忍不住会想，你是真的享受一个人，还是只是把孤独换了个好听一点的说法？现在很多人说独居是一种生活方式，可我总觉得，那背后藏着一点没人陪的难受。

I get the freedom of not having to negotiate, but I still can't help wondering, are you really enjoying being alone, or are you just calling loneliness by a nicer name? A lot of people now call living alone a lifestyle, but I always feel there's some pain of having no one there hiding behind that.

你这个问题我自己也问过自己。刚开始一个人吃饭的时候，确实会想，是不是该叫谁一起。可是后来我发现，那顿饭吃得比平时都专心。我能好好尝出每道菜的味道，也能在心里把这一天理一遍。这段时间，是我陪伴自己最好的时间，不是逃避谁。

I've asked myself that same question. When I first started eating alone, I really did wonder whether I should call someone to join me. But then I noticed that meal was more focused than usual. I could actually taste every dish, and sort through my whole day in my head. That time is the best time I spend keeping myself company, not running away from anyone.

你说得我也不是完全不能理解，但我总觉得，一顿饭最好的地方，本来就是有人陪你说话，你笑我也笑，这种热闹是一个人在那儿再专心也换不来的吧？

I don't completely disagree with what you're saying, but I still feel the best part of a meal is having someone to talk to, you laugh and I laugh too. That kind of liveliness isn't something you can get no matter how focused you are sitting there alone, right?

这个我承认，一个人吃饭确实换不来那种热闹。可是我也不是每顿都一个人，跟朋友吃饭的时候，我照样很享受那种陪伴。我只是不觉得每一顿饭都非要有人陪不可，好像没人陪就是失败了一样。

I'll admit that. Eating alone really can't get you that kind of liveliness. But I don't eat every meal alone either. When I eat with friends, I enjoy that company just as much. I just don't think every single meal has to have someone there, as if having no company makes it a failure.

最近我也注意到，好多餐厅都推出单人火锅，一个人也能点一整套，还有专门为单人订位设计的应用，好像整个城市都在为一个人吃饭做准备。这算不算说明，一个人吃饭已经变成一种趋势了？

I've also noticed lately that a lot of restaurants are launching single-person hot pot, so one person can order a whole set, and there are apps built specifically for booking a table for one, like the whole city is preparing for people to eat alone. Does that count as proof that eating alone has become a real trend?

我觉得算。这几年确实是个趋势，越来越多人开始接受，一个人吃饭不代表没人要，也不代表可怜。饭馆愿意为一个单人座位准备一整套菜，说明这个需求早就存在，只是以前大家不好意思承认。

I think it does. It really has been a trend these past few years, more and more people accepting that eating alone doesn't mean nobody wants you, and it doesn't mean you're pitiful either. Restaurants being willing to prepare a whole set of dishes for one seat shows this need existed long before, people just used to be embarrassed to admit it.

可我还是觉得，这个趋势里也有让人担心的地方。要是大家都习惯了独居，习惯了一个人吃饭，会不会慢慢就懒得约人了？朋友之间的联系，很多时候就是靠一顿饭维持的。

But I still think there's something worrying inside this trend. If everyone gets used to living alone and eating alone, won't people gradually get too lazy to invite anyone? A lot of the time, the connection between friends is kept alive by sharing a meal.

这个担心我觉得有道理，我也不想反驳你。一顿饭确实能维持关系，可是一顿饭到底是为了什么，我最近想得比较多。是为了让人别一个人待着，还是为了让两个人好好说说话？如果只是怕对方孤独，勉强凑在一起，那顿饭其实也不见得有多好。

I think that worry makes sense, and I don't want to argue against it. A meal really can maintain a relationship, but I've been thinking a lot lately about what a meal is actually for. Is it to keep someone from being alone, or is it for two people to really talk to each other? If people only force themselves together because they're afraid the other person is lonely, that meal isn't necessarily any good.

你这么一说，我倒想起我们上次一起吃饭，你其实一直在看手机，没怎么说话。那顿饭，还不如你一个人吃得专心。

Now that you mention it, I remember last time we ate together you were on your phone the whole time and barely talked. That meal was probably less focused than you eating alone.

对啊，所以我才觉得，重要的不是桌上有几个人，是这顿饭有没有人真的在那儿。跟朋友吃饭，我希望大家都在；一个人吃饭，我也希望自己真的在。

Exactly, that's why I think what matters isn't how many people are at the table, it's whether anyone is actually present for the meal. When I eat with friends, I want everyone to really be there. When I eat alone, I want myself to really be there too.

好吧，我承认我可能有点把孤独和一个人吃饭混在一起了。不过我还是想问你，独居吃饭吃了大半年，你有没有哪一次，是真的希望旁边坐着一个人？

All right, I admit I might have been mixing up loneliness with eating alone. But I still want to ask you, after most of a year of eating alone at home, was there ever a time you truly wished someone were sitting next to you?

有，过生日那天，我一个人在火锅店里，看着旁边的空位子，确实想过要是有人陪就好了。可是这不代表我后悔这大半年的选择，只是说明，一个人吃饭挺好，但它不是唯一的答案，我需要陪伴的时候，我还是会约人。

Yes. On my birthday, sitting alone in a hot pot restaurant looking at the empty seat next to me, I really did think it would be nice to have someone there. But that doesn't mean I regret this past year of choices, it just shows eating alone is good, but it isn't the only answer. When I need company, I still call someone up.

那我下次生日一定跟你一起吃，先说好，我要点你不爱吃的那种辣的。

Then I'm definitely eating with you on your next birthday. Fair warning, I'm ordering the spicy kind you don't like.

行，那我也可以自己另外点一份不辣的，我们照样能坐在一起吃饭，各点各的，谁也不用将就谁。

Deal. Then I'll just order my own non-spicy dish on the side. We can still sit and eat together, each ordering what we want, and neither of us has to settle for the other.