偏心的爱算不算爱

我在你朋友圈看到了，你又给一个不认识的人捐钱了。上次那个生病要做手术的人，你也捐了对不对？

I saw it in your feed, you donated to another stranger again. That person who was sick and needed surgery last time, you gave money then too, right?

对，她的手术费还差一点，我看到就捐了一点钱，也不多。

Yeah, she was still short on the surgery cost, so I saw it and gave a little, not much.

你对陌生人这么大方，可是我听说，你表姐上个月找你帮忙，你给她的钱反而比给这个陌生人的还少，这是为什么？

You're this generous to a stranger, but I heard your cousin asked you for help last month and you actually gave her less than you gave this stranger. Why is that?

因为我觉得，钱应该给最需要的人，不应该因为是自己的家人，就多给一点。这不是偏心，这是公平。

Because I think money should go to whoever needs it most, not get a bump just because someone happens to be family. That's not favoritism, that's fairness.

公平？你表姐是你的家人，血缘关系这么近，你却把她放在一个陌生人后面，这不是偏心，还能叫什么？

Fairness? Your cousin is your family, blood ties that close, and you still put her behind a stranger. If that's not favoritism, what would you call it?

我知道血缘让人觉得应该多爱一点，但如果只是因为血缘就多给钱，那跟陌生人的病比起来，我表姐的事，真的更重要吗？

I know blood ties make people feel they should love more. But if you only give more because of blood, is my cousin's situation really more important than a stranger's illness?

当然更重要！家人对你不一样。你表姐从小陪你长大，你生病的时候，是她去医院照顾你。你要是对所有人都一样好，这种好是不是太薄了，太抽象了，谁都没有真的得到什么？

Of course it's more important! Family is different to you. Your cousin grew up right beside you, and when you were sick it was her who went to the hospital to look after you. If you're equally good to everyone, isn't that kind of good too thin, too abstract, and nobody actually gets anything real from it?

我懂你的意思。可是我也在想，只对家人好，会不会不是因为家人真的更重要，只是一种本能，加上一个说得好听的理由？

I get what you mean. But I've also been wondering, maybe only being good to family isn't because family is really more important, maybe it's just instinct with a nice-sounding excuse attached.

本能怎么了？本能也是真的。我对我妈的爱是本能，这种爱难道不是爱吗？你对陌生人的好，是你自己选择的，我对家人的好，是我生下来就有的，哪一种更真实，你说得清楚吗？

What's wrong with instinct? Instinct is real too. My love for my mother is instinct, is that not love then? Your kindness to strangers is something you chose, my kindness to family is something I was born with. Which one is more real? Can you even say?

可是如果爱只靠本能，那我们跟动物有什么区别？动物也只爱自己的孩子。人不一样的地方，是我们能选择去爱一个跟我们没有关系的人，这才是我们比本能多出来的东西。

But if love only runs on instinct, what's the difference between us and animals? Animals also only love their own young. What makes humans different is that we can choose to love someone we have no relation to, and that choice is exactly what we have beyond instinct.

所以你说的公平，其实也是一种偏心，只是这次偏心的是陌生人，不是家人。

So this fairness you're talking about is actually also a kind of favoritism, it's just that this time the favoritism goes to strangers instead of family.

也许吧。但至少我愿意给每一个不认识的人同样的机会，不会因为不认识，就当作她的病跟我没有关系。

Maybe. But at least I'm willing to give every stranger the same chance, and I won't decide her illness has nothing to do with me just because I don't know her.

你们俩吵的这个问题，我在一本讲中国哲学的书里看到过，两千多年前，就有人吵过一样的事。

This thing you two are arguing about, I've read it in a book on Chinese philosophy. People were already arguing about the exact same thing over two thousand years ago.

真的吗？两千多年前也有人问，要不要给陌生人和家人一样的爱？

Really? People that long ago were also asking whether strangers and family deserve the same love?

对。有一个人叫墨子，他说的是兼爱，意思是爱所有人都应该一样，不能因为是自己的家人，就多爱一点，少爱别人。

Yes. There was a man named Mozi, and what he argued for was called universal love, meaning love for all people should be equal, you can't love more just because someone's family and love others less.

这不是跟林悦说的一样吗？那有没有人不同意墨子？

Isn't that exactly what Lin Yue's been saying? So was there anyone who disagreed with Mozi?

有。孟子说过，一个人应该先照顾好自己家里的老人，然后才能把这样的心，用在别人家的老人身上。爱是有顺序的，先从家人开始，再一层一层地给出去。

There was. Mencius said a person should first properly care for the elders in their own family, and only then can that same care be extended to other families' elders. Love has an order to it, it starts with family and then spreads outward, one layer at a time.

那到底谁对？墨子说的爱所有人一样，还是孟子说的，要先爱自己的家人？

So who's actually right? What Mozi said about loving everyone equally, or what Mencius said, that you should love your own family first?

这两千多年都没有人能说清楚，我也说不清楚。也许墨子说的是应该做到的事，孟子说的是人真的能做到的事。

Nobody's managed to settle it in two thousand years, and I can't either. Maybe what Mozi described is what people should manage, and what Mencius described is what people actually can.

那你觉得，是我说得对，还是林悦说得对？

So what do you think, am I right, or is Lin Yue right?

我觉得你们俩说的都对。林悦说得对，只爱家人，是把爱变窄了。你也说得对，对谁都一样地爱，可能是把爱变浅了。这个问题，可能本来就没有答案。

I think you're both right. Lin Yue has a point, only loving family narrows love down. You have a point too, loving everyone the same might spread love too thin. Maybe this question never had an answer to begin with.

那我还是会多给我表姐一点钱，也还是会给陌生人捐钱，这两件事，我一件都不想放弃。

Then I'll still give my cousin a bit more, and I'll still donate to strangers. I don't want to give up either one.