愿意听你说话的医生

你上个星期是不是去医院了？现在怎么样？好点了吗？

Weren't you at the hospital last week? How are you now? Feeling any better?

好多了。不过这次看病我去了两次，见了两个医生。这两个医生太不一样了，我回来以后一直在想这件事。

Much better. But I went twice this time and saw two different doctors. They were so different that I haven't stopped thinking about it since.

两个医生？同样的病，能有多不一样？你说说。

Two doctors? Same illness, how different can it get? Tell me.

第一个医生，从我进去到我出来，眼睛差不多没有离开过电脑的屏幕。他一边看屏幕一边问我哪里不舒服，我刚说了两句，他就开始在电脑上写东西了。

The first doctor, from the moment I walked in to the moment I left, barely took his eyes off the computer screen. He asked me what was wrong while watching the screen, and I'd only said a couple of sentences before he started typing.

他还没听完你的症状，就开始写了？那他写的是什么？

He started writing before he'd even heard all your symptoms? Then what was he writing?

我不知道。我想把我的症状说清楚：晚上咳嗽得厉害，早上和下午还好，已经两个星期了。可是我说到一半，他就说，好了，我知道了，然后给我开了药。从进去到出来，不到五分钟。

No idea. I wanted to lay out my symptoms clearly: bad coughing at night, mornings and afternoons mostly fine, going on two weeks now. But halfway through he said, okay, got it, and wrote me a prescription. From walking in to walking out, under five minutes.

五分钟？他问你的情况了吗？比如你晚上睡得好不好，最近工作累不累？

Five minutes? Did he ask you anything? Like whether you're sleeping well, whether work has been wearing you out?

一个都没问。最奇怪的是，他从来没有看过我。我出来的时候在想，他看的到底是我，还是屏幕上的我？

Not one question. The strangest part is that he never once looked at me. On my way out I kept wondering, was he looking at me, or at the version of me on the screen?

那药吃了有用吗？所以你才去了第二次？

Did the medicine work? Is that why you went a second time?

吃了三天，没什么用，我就换了一家医院。第二个医生完全不一样。我一坐下，她就把屏幕推到一边，看着我说：别着急，慢慢讲，从第一天开始讲。

I took it for three days, nothing happened, so I tried another hospital. The second doctor was completely different. The moment I sat down, she pushed the screen aside, looked at me, and said: no rush, take your time, start from day one.

从第一天开始讲？医院里人那么多，她有这个耐心吗？

Start from day one? With that many people waiting, does she really have the patience for that?

她真有。我讲的时候，她一直看着我听。我讲完一段，她先说她的看法，再问下一个问题。比如她说：晚上咳嗽、早上不咳嗽，这个很重要，那你睡觉的房间是不是很冷？

She really does. While I talked, she watched me and listened. Whenever I finished a stretch, she'd first give her read, then ask the next question. Like: coughing at night but not in the morning, that matters. So, is the room you sleep in cold?

先说看法，再问一个问题？这不就是你平时说的，聊天最好的方法吗？

Give a read first, then ask a question? Isn't that exactly what you're always telling me is the best way to hold a conversation?

对，我也是那时候发现的。她问得特别详细：什么时候开始的，晚上几点最厉害，以前吃过什么药。每一个症状她都问到了。奇怪的是，她问得越详细，我就越放心。

Right, that's when it hit me too. Her questions were incredibly detailed: when it started, what hour of the night it's worst, what medicine I'd tried before. She got to every symptom. The strange thing is, the more detailed her questions, the calmer I felt.

为什么？问得这么详细，说明你的病可能很复杂，你应该更担心吧？

Why? Questions that detailed suggest your illness might be complicated. Shouldn't that make you more worried?

不是。她问得这么详细，我就知道她真的在听，真的想弄清楚我的病。我第一次觉得我可以信任一个医生。这种信任跟医院大不大没有关系，跟药也没有关系，是因为她的态度。

No. Because her questions were that detailed, I knew she was actually listening and actually trying to figure out what was wrong with me. For the first time I felt I could trust a doctor. That trust had nothing to do with the size of the hospital, and nothing to do with the medicine. It came from her attitude.

态度真的这么重要吗？最后把你的病看好的，应该还是药吧？

Is attitude really that important? In the end, what cured you was still the medicine, surely?

药当然重要。可是你想，如果我不信任那个医生，她说的话我就只听一半，药我也可能不好好吃。第一个医生开的药，我吃了三天就不想吃了。第二个医生开的药，我一天都没忘。

Of course the medicine matters. But think about it. If I didn't trust the doctor, I'd only half listen to what she said, and I probably wouldn't take the medicine properly either. The first doctor's prescription, I gave up on after three days. The second doctor's, I never missed a day.

这么说，耐心和态度，也是看病的一部分？

So patience and attitude are part of the treatment too?

我觉得是。后来我发现，这件事不只是说医生。朋友跟你说话的时候，你是不是也常常一边听，一边看手机的屏幕？

I think so. And later I realized this isn't only about doctors. When a friend is talking to you, don't you also often listen with one eye on your phone screen?

你别说了。昨天我妈跟我讲事情，我的眼睛一直在屏幕上。她最后不讲了，她说：你没在听。我现在明白她的感觉了。

Don't. Yesterday my mom was telling me about something and my eyes stayed on my screen the whole time. Eventually she stopped and said: you're not listening. Now I know how she felt.

所以耐心不只是医生需要的。把屏幕放下，先听，听完说说你的看法，再问一个问题。谁都可以做那个愿意听的人。

So patience isn't something only doctors need. Put the screen down, listen first, then say what you make of it and hand back a question. Anyone can be the one who's willing to listen.

好，从今天开始，你跟我说话的时候，我把手机放在包里。

Deal. Starting today, when you're talking to me, the phone stays in my bag.